


First Step Towards Forgiveness

by ErinisMagic



Category: Starlight Express - Phillips/Stilgoe/Webber
Genre: (he just doesn't know it yet), CB Needs a Hug, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Rusty is too good for this world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinisMagic/pseuds/ErinisMagic
Summary: Injured and abandoned after the events of the race, CB's expecting the worst. But it seems not everyone is as quick to give up on him as he would have thought.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	First Step Towards Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an idea from _@casey the dining car_ in the group chat!

CB sulked along the track, aimlessly kicking away stray pebbles that laid in his path. They clattered quietly away, disturbing some dirt but not much else. He was completely alone.

The celebratory group had long since disappeared into the distance, so caught up in Rusty’s win and Pearl’s safety that they didn’t even notice they’d left CB behind. Not that he minded. Today hadn’t turned out at all how he had planned, and he needed some time to lick his wounds far away from the judgmental eyes of the rest of the yard. Still, it had been over an hour, and no one had come back for him. He would have hoped at least Dinah would have realized he was missing by now, but…

CB sighed. Of course, she would be just as mad at him as the rest of them. Rusty and Pearl were her friends and CB hurt them and he was just awful for that and blah, blah, blah. He added her name onto the list of people back at the yard who _weren’t mad, just disappointed_ and would undoubtedly be gearing up for a lecture right about now. 

For a moment, he considered not going back to the yard and instead just skipping town. He already had a splitting headache, and he knew the lectures that were waiting for him were only going to make it worse. It wouldn’t be too hard to slip into a new yard. He’d done it before, he was sure he’d be able to—

There was a sharp crack and a searing pain in the sole of his right foot, and before he even knew what was happening, CB was falling. He landed on his front with a thump, jarring all of his already-painful injuries. He’d managed to get his arms out in front of him in time to break his fall, but the added scrapes and pain were entirely unappreciated.

He laid there for a moment before pushing himself up slightly, looking back at the track to try and figure out what had happened. Nothing was there, not that he had expected anything to be; he knew he hadn’t tripped. But if that wasn’t what sent him down, that what was it?

He carefully shifted his leg so he could get a look at his foot. He only had to move it into his line of sight to realize what had happened: his front two wheels were completely gone.

A sinking feeling of dread slipped through his chest as he grabbed his ankle, pulling his foot up to inspect his sole. His axle had all but shattered, with multiple fractures running through it in addition to at least two breaks—no wonder his wheels had come loose.

CB frowned, muttering curses to himself as he reached down to gently prod at the damage with his fingertips. Any sort of pressure near the area—even the barest of touches up by his stop—sent spikes of pain shooting up from his broken axle. He pressed a little harder, testing to see if he could manage to walk on his injured foot, and almost blacked out.

 _Great_ , CB thought, dramatically throwing himself back down on his face. _Just great._ Without his wheels, he had no hope of making back to the yard on his own, and unlike Pearl after the race, no one would care enough to come looking for him. He bit back a groan, fighting the urge to start slamming his fist on the ground. He was stuck out here.

The minutes ticked by and he just laid there, not bothering to move. After all, what was the point? He couldn’t get anywhere like this, and he doubted anyone would miss him enough to come looking any time soon.

He lost track of time after that. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the light in the hopes that it might help with his headache. Maybe when he had enough brain power to actually think things through, he could come up with some idea of what to do next. For now, though, all he could think to do was stay here and try to rest.

A sound far off in the distance caught his attention. At first, it was too quiet for him to properly make out, but it was slowly becoming louder and clearer. For a moment, CB thought he was just imagining it, but soon enough there was no denying it: it was his name.

“CB? CB?”

CB frowned. That sounded like Rusty’s voice, but what would he be doing all the way out here? And why was he calling for him? He should be celebrating back at the yard with his new girlfriend, not scouring the middle of nowhere for one lost caboose.

Maybe if he just didn’t move, Rusty wouldn’t see him. Even though Rusty might be his only hope of getting back to the yard, CB wasn’t at all in the mood for whatever Rusty had planned for him. He couldn’t picture Rusty ever getting violent—or even raising his voice for that matter—but even just the thought of the lecture he knew was going to come eventually was too much for his pounding head, and he hoped to Starlight that Rusty would just go away.

No such luck. “CB!” Rusty shouted, much closer than before. There was a tinge of panic in his voice, though CB couldn’t fathom why. He pulled his eyes open a sliver just in time to catch sight of Rusty sliding to his knees in front of him, and immediately closed them again in defeat.

Then there were hands on his shoulders, trailing up his neck to feel for his pulse and breathing. “CB? CB, can you hear me? Wake up. Oh, please wake up, _please_.”

It was clear Rusty was worried, and that he wouldn’t be going away on his own. CB groaned, sluggishly pulling his arms into position beneath him so he could push himself up. Every limb felt like it was weighted down with lead, but somehow, he managed.

Rusty let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, CB, thank Starlight!”

CB opened his mouth, ready to bite out a snarky reply, but the words died in his throat as Rusty surged forward, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against his chest.

CB blinked in surprise, unsure of what to make of this new development. For a long while he couldn’t figure out was Rusty was playing at, but eventually it clicked: this was a hug. Rusty was hugging him.

CB blinked again. No one had ever hugged him before, not even Dinah. The most he’d ever gotten was a clap on the shoulder from Greaseball after pulling off one of their schemes. He didn’t know what to do in a hug. Was he supposed to hug Rusty back? That was something friends did, but he and Rusty weren’t friends anymore—and considering how much lying CB had done, he wasn’t sure they could have ever been considered friends to begin with. But if they weren’t friends, why was Rusty hugging him in the first place? Out of everyone in the yard, Rusty was probably the one who should want the least to do with CB. He shouldn’t be out here looking after him, and yet, here he was.

The situation was confusing, and CB didn’t know what to make of it. Still, he had to admit, it felt nice. Rusty was warm and his arms were strong, and wrapped securely in Rusty’s hold, CB felt safe. He felt… wanted. A suspicious wetness gathered at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so cared for.

His fingers twitched, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to hug Rusty back, to cling to him and bury his face in his shoulder and never come back out.

He clenched his hands into tight fists, digging into his palms with his nails. Why was he feeling like this? He’d spent so much time plotting against Rusty, lying to him and betraying him so he would lose the race, but then he’d won anyway, and CB had ended up wrecked. He should hate Rusty, and Rusty should hate him.

A single tear leaked out, trailing down his cheek and dropping onto Rusty’s shoulder. Why was Rusty here? Why did CB want him here? Why did CB want this?

All the thoughts spinning around his head were just making his headache worse. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block it all off and stave off the tears. He couldn’t help his breathing, though, which was starting to tremble along with his body.

Rusty must have felt him shaking, because he pulled back so fast it made CB’s head spin. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t think… Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

CB drew in a shaky breath so he could give some sort of response, but all he could manage was a quiet sob. It hadn’t even been a minute and he already missed Rusty’s arms around him. The rest of the tears spilled over, tracking dirt and dust down his cheeks, and the sight of CB actually crying only served to make Rusty more worried.

“Starlight, I hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Rusty repeated, sounding horrified. He looked around, for what CB didn’t know. “I don’t… I didn’t bring any supplies, I didn’t know you’d be so bad off, I… I can’t help you out here, I…” He bit his lip as he thought something over. After a few moments he came to a decision, and determination came over his voice. “We need to get you back to the yard. Can you stand?”

CB looked over his wrecked body, trying to think of a single way he could make it work, before shaking his head. Even ignoring all of the damage done to his legs and his back, losing his wheels had all but immobilized him.

Rusty frowned at the answer, following CB’s gaze to find what was stopping him. All he could see was the general surface damage, and although it looked bad, they both knew that that wasn’t where the real problems were. Still, Rusty wasn’t deterred. Since CB wasn’t talking, he asked, “Can you show me?”

Carefully, CB shifted his position, bringing forward his wrecked foot for Rusty to see. The steamer sucked a breath in through his teeth at the sight of the snapped axle, reaching a hand out towards it but stopping just before his fingers made contact. “Do you know where your wheels are?”

CB brought a hand up to wipe away the tears on his cheeks before gesturing vaguely to the area around him. After all, he had fallen as soon as they had broken off; he couldn’t imagine they’d ended up too far away.

“Right. Okay,” Rusty said, scanning over the area from where he was knelt. He must not have seen anything, because he continued, “I’m going to go look for them, okay? Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

On any other day, CB would have been tempted to roll his eyes. Now all he did was sniff and wipe away the fresh tears, turning the dust on his cheeks into a muddy mess.

Even though Rusty couldn’t have gone more than ten feet away, CB felt his loss acutely. He curled himself into a ball, hugging his knees close to his chest, but it was a poor replacement for the feeling of Rusty’s arms around him. His tears picked up speed and he hid his face against his knees. It was just embarrassing; after everything he’d been up to in the race, he wanted the others to finally see him as the mastermind he was, not as some little crybaby completely undone by one measly crash.

After a few minutes, he heard the sound of Rusty’s wheels squeaking as he came back. He looked up, smearing mud across his face as he hastily tried to clear away the evidence of his continued crying. Rusty must have noticed, but he graciously decided not to mention it. He stood there for a moment, as if unsure what to do, before kneeling down in front of CB.

“I found your wheels,” he said, opening his hand to show that he was, in fact, holding both of CB’s missing wheels. “We can probably reattach them once we get back to the yard.”

CB nodded slowly, staring at the wheels for a few seconds before reaching out a shaky hand to take them. He didn’t know what to do with them now that he had them. He ran him thumb along the jagged edges of the broken axle and had the sudden urge to throw them as far away as he could. But he knew that wouldn’t do him any good, so instead he closed his fist around them, relishing in the tiny stabs of pain from where the sharp points of metal dug into his palm.

Rusty was watching him carefully, waiting until he looked back up to speak. “I think I should be able to pull you back. Is that okay?”

CB said nothing. He knew it was going to be a long and uncomfortable ride back, but what choice did he have? Rusty was waiting for an answer, so after a moment, he nodded.

“Do you need help getting up?”

Reluctantly, CB nodded again.

Rusty pushed himself back up to his feet, hesitating for a moment as he seemed to think better of it. He crouched back down to CB’s level and asked, “How do you want to do this?”

The question made CB pause for a minute. Truthfully, he had no idea how to answer. His words were still stuck in his throat, but even if they weren’t, he wouldn’t have known how to articulate his thoughts. Not sure what else to do, he reached out for Rusty, hoping that he would understand what he wanted.

Thankfully, Rusty got enough of an idea from the gesture that he leaned in, wrapping an arm around CB’s back to help lift him up. CB hooked his own arm over Rusty’s shoulder, using the steamer to balance himself on as he carefully maneuvered his good foot underneath him.

“Okay?” Rusty asked once CB seemed set. CB nodded his approval, so Rusty pulled them both up. It took CB a moment to find his balance on just one foot, especially since the pain in his back prevented him from standing up straight, but Rusty was patient. Even though CB knew he didn’t deserve it, Rusty was being so kind and understanding. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again, and he blinked hard to try to clear them away.

Rusty gently adjusted their position, tugging CB’s arm so that it looped around his neck and moving his own hand down to hold CB’s waist. “Is this alright?” he checked again. 

Once more, CB nodded.

“Okay.” With that, Rusty took an experimental step forward, bringing CB with him.

CB wobbled a bit, thrown off-balance with the motion. It was a strange sensation, being pulled like this. When he was being pulled normally, hitched on to someone’s couplers, he had some control over how he moved. Even when he wasn’t pulling any of his weight, he could break or turn with the rest of the line. Now, unable to move on his own, he was completely at Rusty’s mercy.

Rusty must have noticed that CB was struggling, so he stopped, giving CB a moment to right himself. But even after CB was as certain in his balance as he could be, Rusty looked uncertain. “We’re pretty far from the yard. Do you think you can manage all the way?”

Honestly, CB wasn’t all that sure, himself. He hadn’t even been standing for five minutes, and already his leg was trembling under his weight. He knew that all he had to do was shake his head and Rusty would go back to the yard for more help. He was certain that Rusty would be able to find a stretcher or a cart or _something_ to carry him back on, and while the thought of being able to lay back down and not have to move was appealing, he didn’t want Rusty to leave him. He didn’t want to be alone again.

Gathering his determination, CB took a deep breath and nodded. It was going to be an unpleasant ride, that much he knew. But it was just a little pain. He’d survive.

“Okay. I’ll try to go fast,” Rusty said, starting to roll again. True to his word, he set a brisk pace, carefully watching CB to see how he was handling it. “Just let me know if you need me to slow down, or stop so you can rest or… Just let me know. It’ll do you more harm than good to push yourself too hard.”

As much as Rusty meant well, CB was inclined to ignore him. He was already doing so much for the caboose—too much, CB thought. He didn’t want to make the trip back any harder for Rusty than it had to be. That meant not getting in his way, not slowing him down, and holding his own weight so that Rusty didn’t have to.

Unfortunately, although that plan sounded easy enough in his head, actually trying to do it was quickly wearing him down. His pain was only escalating, and before he knew it, he was practically doubled over. His vision was swimming and a rising tide of nausea was poised to overtake him.

As hard as he was trying to hide it, Rusty was paying too much attention to CB’s state to miss the fact that he was only getting worse. Of course, he’d picked up on CB’s hesitancy. “You can lean on me, CB. It’s okay.”

A small part of CB wanted to argue back that no, it wasn’t okay. He’d cheated in the race, plotted to make sure that Rusty would lose, spent so much time earning Rusty’s trust just so he could betray him. He didn’t deserve Rusty’s kindness, not after everything he’d done.

The larger part of him was tired. Tired and in pain and desperately craving comfort. So, he let himself give in and slowly sag against Rusty’s side. Rusty had to tighten his hold to make sure CB stayed upright, and CB could almost pretend that it was just a one-armed embrace. He couldn’t fight back the small smile that slipped onto his face as he leaned his head against Rusty’s shoulder. He closed his eyes, tuning out the rest of the world and focusing only on Rusty’s presence beside him.

They continued on in silence for a few more minutes, CB swaying gently with Rusty through every step he took. He was trying to cooperate with the movement as much as possible, so he didn’t get in the way and cause Rusty any more trouble than he already had. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t doing enough, that he could never do enough to truly make it up to Rusty, to adequately show him how much it all meant to him. But that didn’t mean he could get away with not trying.

It took quite a bit of mental force to finally push past the lump in his throat, and his voice came out quiet and strangled when it did. “Thank you,” he said, so soft that he doubted Rusty could even hear it.

He stared at Rusty’s feet, almost hypnotized by the rhythmic back and forth as they rolled on. Silence reclaimed them for a few minutes before Rusty readjusted his grip on CB’s waist, pulling him in a little closer. “You’re welcome.”

Neither of them said a word after that, but that was fine with CB. His head was still pounding, and any sound louder than a whisper was only going to make it worse. Besides, he’d already said what he needed to say.

It wasn’t much, he knew. But it was a start.


End file.
